


Different State of Mind

by numberonehoneybadger



Category: Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, No Sex, No Smut, Slow Burn, all the ocs in this are in it for like two seconds don't worry, hopefully this turns out good
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-08 10:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17384993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/numberonehoneybadger/pseuds/numberonehoneybadger
Summary: A modern day slowburn Stefan/Colin au!





	1. Too Shy

“No, no, no way. I’m not doing this stuff again for you! It’s illegal!”

Stefan was angry, a rare sort of headspace for him. His roommate didn’t seem phased, though.

“C’mon, Stefan, it’s not a big deal,” the junior whined. “Seniors do this stuff all the time.”

“I don’t even drink!” Stefan exclaimed, running his hand through his hair.

“That’s not my fault!” Stefan’s roommate sighed. “Look, man. You’re almost out of college. Only half a quarter left. You’re never gonna have to do this again! Think of it as a going away present.” 

Stefan groaned. He was always a bit of a pushover. “Fine. Whatever. But this is the last time, okay?” 

His roommate wore a broad smile, and handed Stefan a few twenties. “Thank you so much, bro. The usual, alright?” Stefan was already out the door. He wanted to get this over with.

\---

After a quick walk, Stefan reached the front of the store. He’d almost decided upon getting the worst and cheapest possible alcohol and just keeping the rest of the money himself, but fifty unhappy juniors was not what he wanted on his hands, especially with finals looming over him. 

The dirty glass door made a little ding as Stefan walked inside. He did his best to avoid eye contact with the guy behind the counter. When he was nervous, he tended to be ten times more awkward than usual. Stefan caught a glimpse of bleached blond hair and large glasses, but turned his head towards the liquor aisle.

He’d learned to bring a bag with him after a few trips, and he filled it with all the necessities for a wild party that he would not be attending. Sometimes, he wondered why he didn’t just switch rooms as to not be pressured towards childish and illegal acts. But that took time, something Stefan didn’t have much of at the moment. 

He brought his bag up to the counter, and finally made eye contact with the cashier. His hair was messy, and he wore a look of boredom that seemed natural. His gaze was held for a moment, before he pursed his lips and got to work scanning the bottles.

“Quite a party you’re having tonight, yeah?” he said, not stopping his scanning.

“Something like that,” Stefan mumbled. 

“Buying for someone else, then?” Stefan didn’t know how to respond. 

“Yeah,” he simply said. He fidgeted with the bottom of his shirt. 

“Being a senior is the worst. Was one myself about a year ago. Glad to be away from there.” He paused. “What’s your major?”

Stefan was taken aback by the question, mostly because he rarely got into conversations with complete strangers. It wasn’t a pastime he enjoyed, due to his generally introvertedness. “Uh, computer sciences.” 

The cashier finally looked up. “No shit. Me too. Or at least, I did.” He smiled. “So, you into coding?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Stefan said. “I write video games. I want to publish them. Just having a little trouble.” 

The cashier’s eyes widened. “No fucking way. I’m in the same boat.” He put out his hand, an eager look on his face. “I’m Colin. Nice to meet someone else with the same passion.”

“Stefan,” Stefan said, returning the handshake. Something about the light in Colin’s eyes made Stefan smile. It was reassuring to know he wasn’t the only one shooting for something so seemingly impossible.

Colin finished ringing Stefan up, Stefan payed (he was going to keep the leftover ten for himself), and he left almost dejectedly. It was nice talking to someone who was so passionate about the same things as him. Therapeutic, even. He wished that he was friends with someone like Colin. 

He began his walk back to the dorm, part of him glad that his roommate had forced him to go. 

\---

Stefan arrived back at his room five minutes later. When he opened the door, he noticed his roommate wasn’t there. He emptied out the bag and threw it onto his bed. But, when he did, something caught his eye. The receipt had fallen on the floor, and something was written across the back. Looking closer, Stefan realized it was a phone number. Signed with the name Colin. 

He picked up the receipt tentatively. What did this mean? Was Colin just looking to talk to someone about his ideas? Or did he want something more? A friendship? More than that?

Stefan cut off this train of thought early. Overthinking was a problem he had, and he’d learned to nip it in the bud before it went too far. He wanted to call, truly he did, but what would he say? They’d barely met. He didn’t want to be rude, but he didn’t want to be awkward either. Fear of embarrassment tended to muddle with his decision making.

He heard a clicking of the lock on the door, and he shoved the receipt into his pants pocket. He didn’t want any teasing or pestering, and he especially did not want to be pressured into calling. His roommate walked in, brandishing a smile. 

“I see you got the goods,” he said, closing the door behind him. Stefan just sighed, and fell onto his bed. “I seriously appreciate it, man.” 

“Whatever,” Stefan groaned, rolling over. “Last time, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. For sure.” His roommate didn’t seem too sure, though. Maybe it’d be a good thing to go again. Maybe he’d see Colin. 

But why did Stefan care? Colin was a complete stranger. Just like any other worker. It didn’t matter that they were both into coding video games. Plenty of people were. There were other computer science majors. 

Why was he caught off guard with that look in Colin’s eyes? He was such a determined man, yet his talents were being put to no use where he was. And his look showed that he knew this. He craved something more, something big. Just like Stefan. That look in his eyes was all too familiar. 

Maybe Stefan should call. 

He knew he never would.


	2. come out and play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's one year later boys

One year later

Stefan slammed his hand on the desk, a strong urge to destroy his computer overcoming him. His code wasn’t working and he couldn’t find what was wrong. He’d tried it a hundred different ways, removing things, adding things, and nothing was working. 

“I gotta take a break,” he mumbled to himself, getting up from his bed, closing his computer, and turning on the tv. 

He flipped through channels for a minute, nothing catching his interest. 

“-mops the floor like nothing you’ve ever-”

“-and for tonight’s contestants we have-”

“-newest up and coming game designer, Colin-”

“-up next, a band that-”

Wait a minute. Stefan flipped back a couple channels, and on came the news.

“-exciting rags to riches story, game designer Colin Ritman caught the attention of none other than the Mohan Thakur.”

A familiar face popped up on screen, one that Stefan just barely remembered but had somehow saved in the back of his mind. Colin.

“Colin went from a run of the mill job at a drugstore to one of the newest multi-millionaires of the decade. His newest game, Metl Hedd, will be released within the month.”

Stefan was speechless. This random guy with the same passion as him that he’d met in passing was now a famous game designer? Furthermore, a guy that had given Stefan his number?

Before he could stop himself, Stefan grabbed his phone and opened his contacts app. His hands were shaking. He was nervous for the results. 

He typed “Colin” into the search bar. One result popped up. He clicked on it. 

The number was the one that he had read over and over again on that receipt. He sighed, mentally patting past Stefan on the back for programming in this number.

The only problem: Stefan’s confidence had not increased within the past year. And calling someone who was now famous would be a hundred times more difficult than calling some random cashier. 

But he had to know. How did Colin become famous? How did he capture the attention of the one and only Mohan Thakur, a celebrity in the gaming community? How much longer did Stefan have to live in this shitty apartment, coding games for no one but himself to see?

His finger hovered over the call button. What would he even say? Calls always started with stumbling over words and ended in a rushed goodbye.

So, he clicked on the messages button, and typed out a paragraph.

Stefan: Hey Colin, not sure if you remember me. My name’s Stefan, we met around a year ago when I was picking up some stuff for my friends where you worked. We both majored in computer sciences and liked video games. Anyways, I just saw you on the news. I don’t want to be rude or anything. I just really wanted to know how you did it. How did you make it big?  
Sorry for bothering you.

He took a deep breath. Was he really doing this? This was so unlike him. 

He clicked send. 

And now the worst part: waiting. 

\---

Stefan decided to fill his day with watching some mindless show on tv that he’d never seen before and checking his phone every three seconds. At lunch time, he forced himself to walk a block and pick up a subway sandwich, which he barely ate. His stomach was churning too much to eat anything.

He didn’t really know if he wanted Colin to respond or not. If he did, what would he say? Would he be annoyed? Probably. And it’d be Stefan’s fault, too. He should’ve called the day he got the number. 

But, at the same time, if he didn’t want Colin to respond then why did he send the text? The strongest part of him, deep down, wanted so badly to hear from Colin. He wanted to talk to him, and he wanted to know the secret. How did he get discovered? What did Stefan have to do to get there? 

Stefan checked his phone again. No new messages. 

The number one thing he wondered was how he put himself out there. Did he make a pitch? From the sound of the news story, he just got discovered. Mohan Thakur himself just found him. Was Colin just in the right place at the right time? Was it really that painfully simple? 

If that was so, then Stefan was almost hopeless. The chances of running into Mohan Thakur were extremely tiny. Most likely he’d see Stefan as some sort of crazed fan. 

He checked his phone again. No new messages.

But what was Stefan willing to do to achieve his dreams? Probably search the deep web for Thakur’s address, drive directly to his doorstep, and get on his knees and beg. But Colin didn’t seem like that type of guy. He was so… chill. So nonchalante. Like he really didn’t care what impression he gave off. Maybe Stefan should be more like that. 

No new messages. 

Stefan sighed. He’d gone down the spiral again, overthinking every little thing. Analyzing every possible situation. Life wasn't a video game. Things weren’t that simple, and Stefan couldn’t just think for a minute and pick from a couple choices. He had to take whatever was thrown at him.

If the universe decided not to give him a piece of Colin’s Infinite Wisdom, then so be it. It was probably better that way. 

He resisted the urge to pick up his phone. 

\---

It was almost eleven pm, and Stefan hadn’t checked his phone since lunch. However, the suspense was killing him. He couldn’t sleep, and had resorted to half-heartedly working on code while staring at the black mirror of his phone screen out of the corner of his eye. But he wouldn’t check it. That would lead back to the obsessiveness of earlier. 

And then, like a chorus of angels, his phone buzzed. He scrambled to grab it. When he clicked the on button, it showed a new message, the name “Colin” in bold above it. 

Stefan opened it. 

Colin: Yeah I remember u. It’d be easier to talk in person. Let’s just meet up tmrw night. U still in the same area?

In his ideal world, Stefan would wait a few minutes to respond, so that he wouldn’t look as eager as he felt. But his eagerness overcame the need to hide it. 

Stefan: Yeah! Not in college anymore obviously, but I’ve got a flat now about ten minutes away from it

Luckily, Colin responded quickly as well. He’d probably just had something to do throughout the day. 

Colin: Cool. Let’s meet up at the store where we met at 10pm and go from there

10pm?

Stefan: Alright, sounds good! See you then!

Stefan’s heart was pounding. There was no response after that, which was lucky for Stefan. His increasing use of exclamation points was scaring even him. 

He was going to meet up with Colin. It was all very surreal to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha what is this a chat fic? (i swear there will be very minimal texting in future chapters) anyways thanks for reading guys! make sure to kudos and comment and all that good stuff :)
> 
> ps: i have no idea how british money works and i don't wanna mess it up so they will be using dollars but they're still british oof
> 
> (chapter is named after the song "come out and play" by Billie Eilish)


	3. Superposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefan is super nervous about his meet-up (date?????) with Colin

Stefan had assumed that knowing the fate of his text message would have helped him fall asleep. He’d thought wrong. If anything, the meet up was making it worse. He was awful at talking to people he barely knew. Heck, he was bad at talking to people he knew well. Plus, Colin was pretty much famous at this point. And he was probably mad at Stefan for never calling. 

Stefan would’ve loved to just stay up and code, but he had work tomorrow. So, he layed in bed and closed his eyes, his mind far too restless to give into sleep. A million possibilities swarmed through his head, from becoming famous to getting rejected the moment Colin saw him. 

He tossed and turned, falling in and out of sleep. Eventually, his mind went at ease early in the morning and he drifted off.

\---

Stefan woke up at 9:30, happy to have slept in a little bit. He had to open at eleven, so he had some time. He stretched his arms to the ceiling, his eyes barely staying open, and rolled out of bed. 

After throwing on some clean clothes, brushing his teeth, watching an episode of some old tv show, and attempting to pat down his bed head, Stefan left his small flat for the ten minute walk to his job. It didn’t pay much, being a cashier for a small record store, but Stefan had always had a passion for retro things. One of the only items in his flat that wasn’t necessary for living was a record player he’d bought off of eBay. He owned a few records he’d gotten as gifts, like Phaedra and The Bermuda Triangle, and preferred listening to those over listening to music on his phone. It gave the experience more authenticity. 

When he reached the door, he unlocked it, flipped the sign to open, then walked behind the counter. The best part about opening was that he got to choose the music that played from the old record player that sat next to the cash register. He’d put a few of his favorite records behind the counter, and after some deliberation, he chose a Thompson Twins vinyl. 

The day wasn’t too slow, there were always a couple people browsing which was good. Some days there were only nine or ten customers in all. Most customers were either nostalgic middle aged people or teens who wore band t-shirts and chokers. It was a nice atmosphere. Not too loud. 

Usually, the days went by pretty quickly. But with the thought of meeting Colin looming over his head, the seconds trudged by. Each tick of the wall clock behind Stefan echoed in his ears. He wished he could just speed up time. Usually, standing behind the counter and ringing people up was fine for Stefan. Today, it felt like a chore. 

“Um… pardon?” a woman standing in front of Stefan said. He snapped out of his daze, realizing that the lady had probably been standing there for a few moments.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, scanning the record she’d placed in front of him. “Just… my head’s far away at the moment.”

She smiled. “No worries at all.” He handed her a bag, and she thanked him and left the store. 

Colin really had done a number on him, and they’d barely spoken. 

\---

Finally, after six hours of completely zoning out (minus a quick lunch break), Stefan’s shift had ended. Which meant only five more hours until he met Colin at the drugstore where they’d first encountered each other. 

On his walk home, he began to wonder what Colin was like. He’d just barely met him, and all he knew was that he liked computer programming. Stefan had heard that fame changed people, so what if Colin was a completely different person now? What if he was rude or decided that he wanted nothing to do with Stefan? 

Stefan then decided that he asked himself too many questions that he couldn’t answer. These trains of thought did no good for him. 

Once he got to his flat, he felt once again at a loss. He was sure these next several hours would pass just as slowly as the last ones. It was only around a twenty minute walk to the drugstore (he’d checked), and he didn’t have much to do. So, he pulled up that tv show from that morning and tried to pass the time with that, all the while trying to ignore the constant urge to check the clock. 

\---

At long last, it was 9:30. Stefan had made himself a small dinner a few hours earlier, which definitely created some more stress (what if Colin took him out to eat but he wasn’t hungry?). However, his grumbling stomach along with the nausea that came from stress prevailed in the end. And it was finally time to leave and meet the famous Colin Ritman. 

The walk took a little less time than Stefan had thought it would, and he arrived at the store at 9:51. He stood awkwardly by the counter, doing his best to avoid eye contact with the clerk or any of the customers. 

“You need something?” the cashier asked. Stefan looked up. 

“No, no, just waiting for someone,” he responded. 

He stood there for around ten minutes, scrolling through his phone mindlessly. It was a little past ten, and he was nervous that Colin wouldn’t show up. I mean, what did he expect, meeting up with some famous dude he’d met once before? Colin probably just decided that Stefan was a weirdo and bailed. 

Every jingle of the door made Stefan look up, only to be met with the face of a confused customer. It was 10:07. Stefan was thinking about leaving. 

Another jingle, and Stefan looked up only to be met with a familiar face. Bleach blonde hair and round glasses that he’d seen on tv only yesterday. He looked around for a moment, before noticing Stefan and walking up to him. 

“You’re Stefan, yeah? Good to see you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh sorry for not updating!! it's finals week but luckily i'm all done now :) anyways tysm for reading!! don't forget to kudos and comment and all that good stuff <3 (also i apologize that this is literally the definition of a filler chapter)
> 
> (chapter is named after the song "Superposition" by Young the Giant)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!! 
> 
> (This fic is named after the song "Different State of Mind" by Kid Bloom)
> 
> (Chapter one is named after the song "Too Shy" by Kajagoogoo)


End file.
